Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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