I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
