did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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