note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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