I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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