About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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