omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
