I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
