No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Never joke about your clitoris.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
