One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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