the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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