I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
