Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
