Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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