That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
