Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
