i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
