I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
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Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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