I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
