it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
