Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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