Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
