Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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