Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
