She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
