this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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