People in love make me want to vomit
P.S. I can't hear my feet
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
