Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
