tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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