Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
