but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
