Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
