She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
this is an emotional support booty call
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
