I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We're too hungover to prance.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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