It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
