Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
