I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
