careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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