the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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