I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
