She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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