You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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