Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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