To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
