it was like his penis was on wheels.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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