apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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