They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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