Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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