it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
