I was born with a shot glass in my hand
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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