That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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