I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
