Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
this hospital has no fireball
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
