You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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