i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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