rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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