She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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