After last night, I could never be a politician.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Still dying that you shit outside
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
