forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
